yday was bad. dunno y i get irritated so easily.. esp by my emaths assignment, the circles thingy tt he wanted us to write reasons for every step we do to get the ans. so gek juz looking at the paper full of qn marks n circles cuz i write n / din write degees sign n the correct reasons.. got so irritated tt i cld sceam n pull my hair out or sth. when u think abt it now though it's juz " why was i so worked up over sth so small?" nvm.. muz have been a bad mood day.
den during training we had box matches n i kinda got trashed all the way. was damn pissed with myself, like wat the hell was i doing all the time? juz stand dere n watch my fren drop at every chance she get. i din even like get to hit the ball much. cant exactly say i played better when im angry.. no difference la. but the game sux. i might as well not even be there u noe, for all the good it does mi. so crap. den i got so mad n frustrated at myself i cried. even feel like throwing n smashing things, feel like lashing out at anything, as least there's an outlet for emotions. but i cant. 1stly there's nth to throw or smash in the cts. 2nd, i dun wan my frenz to noe how affected i am by tt stupid box match so muz try to keep a "who cares" facade. dun usually care tt much abt the game tt i cried. i mean, i expect to lose but not play until like.. watever. aft tt got one more match n i told myself : i dun care if i win or lose. if u dun care, u cant feel hurt/ angry/ frustrated if ur not up to standard or performance not up to expectation, cuz u dun expect anything, oni the worse tt cld happen, which is to lose 3-0. which i did, but i dun care.. really.. still, no matter how many times u say it, no matter how u try to convince urself, deep down, everyone wants to win... on second thoughts, not really true, i wld be happy if i'd played a good game, but no it juz wun happen tts y i felt so sucky. damn mood swings, get mi so worked up abt everything.. loser..
